August 23. another day waking up without any drive, without any energy although I slept for 8 hours and my Oura ring is telling me I'm ready to tackle the day. I slouch out of my bed, heading into the bathroom, cleaning my teeth, doing my morning stretches, going out for my 20 minute morning walk to get my morning sunlight in, whilst listening to a podcast.
Everyday the same routine.
but it's not. I turned 25 this year, and achieved most of the aspirational goals (or at least that is what I thought they would be) I had when I was 20/21. I wanted to have 100k in my bank account, have a nice car, finish my studies, life in a different city, be fit, have a six-pack, have lot's of external things.
Been there, done that. 4 years later "I have it all", making a decent amount of money as a freelancer, have achieved set physical goals like one-arm pull-ups, frontlever holds etc.
I enjoyed the journey, but I don't enjoy the destination.
I'm not happy, I'm simply not. The past few weeks I had moments where I thought if all of this would end now, it wouldn't make a difference. Life is meaningless. I have nothing to strive for at the moment. When there is nothing to strive for, where does the meaning come from? Always striving for more is does not seem to be an answer.
Always striving for more seems to be a pretty capitalistic approach, I don't reject capitalism, I mean I profit a lot from it, but I notice that this way for striving for more and more and reaching goals also won't help me feel better.
But it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. You need a end destination in mind to steer somewhere, otherwise you take turns and get nowhere. I really don't know where I'm headed next.